rociomagdalenaa 11 Posted January 8, 2013 Ever since I started dating my parents always told me that i should be careful of who I date. I always argued with them (i was maybe a freshman in HS) that having a boyfriend did not mean i was gonna marry them blah blah. growing up.. they still tell me the same thing (repetition is their parenting style), and I agree with them. Now that i am older i understand that you do fall in love and so on and so on. However, their main point was that i should better myself. For example, they always told me that i should not date (shouldn't is a bit harsh.. isnt it?) someone who is also undocumented. They have engraved in my brain that we came to the united states to better our life, so why should i pursue someone that is on the same level as i am, and can't offer me any more than they can. I mean.. it kind of makes sense right? they chose to bring us here to better ourselves and it would be kind of redundant to not keep moving forward. any who.. im kind of stuck between both sides. the side they have taught me and the side where it's judgmental and unfair. what do you think? are my parents the only ones? forgot to add something very important... shouldnt date those who arennt betterinng themselves. 2 Rh_ny and jcarlos08 reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Edwin 11 Posted January 9, 2013 Haha mine are the same, theyve intilled in our brains that LOL they are right but at the same time wrong. En el corazon no se manda but they did bring us here to better ourselves. I'm also stuck in between, as much ad what they say is true when you are in love you really cant chose. I really try not to give it importance, the one thing I do look at is for someone who is trying to better themselves, sometimes people who are from here tend not to care about being educated or at least trying to excel personally Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
beatrizrivera909 38 Posted January 9, 2013 well my parents are strict.... the last guy i went out with ...my mom ended up not liking him cause he always came over ton eat well i cook mon to sat lol so who wouldnt wanna eat home made food duhhhhhhhh.lol......(especially when i cook good (; ) .anyways i dont wanna date anyone right now cause of daca lol...i wanna learn how to drive.....get my lisence etc etc an try to get bak to school my dream is to be in criminal justcice.... mmmmm sooo im not worried about being single....yeah im getting an iud dis 28 but thats incase i ever do meet someone an dey want a kid from me dey better show me that they can afford one an that dere healthy cause im not gunna get pregnant from no pendejooo likee the other biitches i know that later are singlee moms an on welfare ...etc etccc.......... 4 Santi, phoenixbird, Rh_ny and 1 other reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rh_ny 56 Posted January 9, 2013 Ever since I started dating my parents always told me that i should be careful of who I date. I always argued with them (i was maybe a freshman in HS) that having a boyfriend did not mean i was gonna marry them blah blah. growing up.. they still tell me the same thing (repetition is their parenting style), and I agree with them. Now that i am older i understand that you do fall in love and so on and so on. However, their main point was that i should better myself. For example, they always told me that i should not date (shouldn't is a bit harsh.. isnt it?) someone who is also undocumented. They have engraved in my brain that we came to the united states to better our life, so why should i pursue someone that is on the same level as i am, and can't offer me any more than they can. I mean.. it kind of makes sense right? they chose to bring us here to better ourselves and it would be kind of redundant to not keep moving forward. any who.. im kind of stuck between both sides. the side they have taught me and the side where it's judgmental and unfair. what do you think? are my parents the only ones? forgot to add something very important... shouldnt date those who arennt betterinng themselves. You are not the only one. My parents tell me the same thing and that's why I'm still single :/ it sucks I know how you feel about it Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Edwin 11 Posted January 9, 2013 Yeah, after dating someone for two years and my parents not liking her I realized that they were right lol there was a reason they didnt like her, cuz I was too blind to see it. Anyways, I'm 22, have a twin sister whom has two kids. My nephews are wonderful but I'm not ready to deal with one of them on my own. Obviously if I end up having kids is gonna be with someone who is ready and most importantly as smart as me, at least. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gabss22 7 Posted January 9, 2013 well, I feel like when i started dating i was always scared to date someone who didnt have papers bc like what if he drove and we got pulled over? all that stuff was out of my hand. so like i kinda set a higher standard of where i wanted to be in the future and i dont date anyone who doesnt have papers. bc im scared. i dont want to be illegal forever. i dont expect the person i marry to help me get papers but maybe like in the future but it gives me like a security. but my parents never taught me that, they taught me to love someone who loves me for me.but i kinda just felt that way bc i saw couples who didnt have papers and they struggle and i never wanted to end up like that. so idk. i agree with them. but you should always go with what makes you happy! like i never told my boyfriend i didnt have papers till one of my cousins opened their big mouth. but like now that he knows he wants to help me but i dont want him to until we have been married for over 1 year bc i want to be sure that he knows its not all about that and i want him to make sure that he truly does want to help me. its tough but security in life will also be a big factor when it comes to the future. well to me it is at least. 1 beatrizrivera909 reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aled 118 Posted January 9, 2013 As far as I can remember, my parents always advised me that I shouldn't date a woman who's under the same legal circumstances as I am in this country. I think for most parents who have children in the U.S as undocumented, they would want their children to eventually better themselves and if to marry someday, at least have some sort of option to change their lives and maybe their status too. That's just my opinion on what I believe parents would want for their kids. My parents aren't strict about it or controlling, it's just a little advise on the side. When it comes to love, my parents or no one is going to control that but one's own heart. Illegal or citizen as long as she love me. lol 1 Rh_ny reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rociomagdalenaa 11 Posted January 9, 2013 It's amazing that we all think alike. After reading all of your replies I do agree. It does make sense. I work at a Mexican restaurant and I meet sooo many people. Some have asked out on dates, and I've accepted. For instance, this guy stood out the most. Okay he was born here. However... He doesn't speak English because he spent moat of his live in Mexico. He's 19, like me. And he doesn't go to school. (This blows me! You have so many opportunities and you don't take advatage of it!) And thirdly he doesn't even work. His dad owns multiple restaurants so he just gets money from that. It's not always about legal.status, its about bettering yourself. Like what could he offer me? Nothing. 1 meltop80 reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
itzel 336 Posted January 9, 2013 I personally, never let legal status be a factor in if I dated someone or not. I didnt encounter any one in the same situation as I, that I wanted to date. My boyfriend whom, Ive been with for about 4 years, is a US Citizen and when we met, I just wanted a fling, due to my legal status. He wanted something serious, but wasnt aware of my legal situation and thought I was pushing him away because i was married or something. I finally came clean and we have been in a relationship since. He always made it clear that my legal status, wasnt my fault and it isnt correct to be punished for your fathers sins. Also, my legal status doesnt define me as a person, he fell in love with me, for me, not for my situation. He's always had my back and now that I work and am going back to school, he continues to be supportive. I struck gold when I found him. I understand that we always want more, someone with a legal staus or plans, and theres nothing wrong with that, but you cant go against your heart. If you fall for someonw whos in the same boat as you, but just like you, wants to succeed and better themselves, whats wrong with giving it a try? Sometimes we need to put ourselves in the other shoes, would we want to be turned away from a meaningful relationship, just because of our status? To each their own, I dont judge because Im not perfect and I wish everyone the best. 1 erika020 reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Armando H. 1 Posted January 10, 2013 Although my parents do the same, I feel like is unfair to date someone that has the same status as you. My mom is exactly like your parents, my sister recently got married an he is not a resident, so my mom didn't like the idea but she had to accept nobody or nothing should control your feelings towards other people. I feel like i'm just going to date whoever I want an if she is a legal resident then that's a bonus. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Wisedevil22 24 Posted January 10, 2013 You still young little lady but let me tell you this, If you date someone for their financial status then tell what it is that you feel for that individual ? is it love? I doubt it! However, you should not let anyone not even your parents to control your heart or your emotions. Yes you will not be with someone who doesn't have a life, but what happen if that individual is trying to be someone in life, trying to fulfill his dreams, working hard and putting passion in what his doing because one day he will reach his dreams. Question: Will you be with someone like this? or Will you be with someone who has tons of money and treat you like a toy? In other words, go for those who dream big and have goals, go for the good men no matter how bad his financial status is because in the end what is more valuable is the way he will treat you. "Every woman deserves a man who loves and respects her and every man deserves a woman who appreciate his efforts". Hope you take this in mind. 5 itzel, jcarlos08, taramo35 and 2 others reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jcarlos08 9 Posted January 10, 2013 I get what your parents are saying obviously they don't want you to date a cholo or a low life Let's just remember where we came from and in my opinion legal status doesn't matter you can fall in love with anyone I dates girls that are citizens and have better economic statuses then me honestly they didn't care about my legal status but I wasn't a low life and been illegal didn't stop me from making myself better I drove worked illegally I took risks I wasn't going to stand there doing nothing lol Anyways yes finding the right person at our age is hard especially with our situation we want the best for our future but love is mysterious and you fall in love with the person you least expect (even if he/she don't have papers lol) so we have to always find a way to improve our lifestyle even if there's no legal status the opportunities are right in front us we just have to work hard to get on top. 1 erika020 reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JayhOR24 58 Posted January 10, 2013 I never really had a "girlfriend" I always had "lady-friends with benefits" lol My mom always said that in order to have a girlfriend I would need a job a car and time! Which I don't have! :/ lol So until that day! Just "lady-friends with benefits" lol 1 gabss22 reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rociomagdalenaa 11 Posted January 10, 2013 You all are making sense. I mean what it has come down to me thinking and deciding is: looking for someone who us working towards their dreams and goals. Someone who will also push me to pursue my dreams. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Wisedevil22 24 Posted January 10, 2013 You all are making sense. I mean what it has come down to me thinking and deciding is: looking for someone who us working towards their dreams and goals. Someone who will also push me to pursue my dreams. You're smart. Told you! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Fabio978 34 Posted January 10, 2013 Honestly, One doesn't choose who he is attracted to. You shouldn't be denying yourself out of a relationship because your partner is Illegal. Nor should you date one out of anger towards your parents or even date a legal citizen to "make them proud". Out of the few relationships I've had none were with illegals but not because I chose, but because the connection was there. If being legal is more important than finding the "one" for the rest of your life... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
taramo35 27 Posted January 10, 2013 You still young little lady but let me tell you this, If you date someone for their financial status then tell what it is that you feel for that individual ? is it love? I doubt it! However, you should not let anyone not even your parents to control your heart or your emotions. Yes you will not be with someone who doesn't have a life, but what happen if that individual is trying to be someone in life, trying to fulfill his dreams, working hard and putting passion in what his doing because one day he will reach his dreams. Question: Will you be with someone like this? or Will you be with someone who has tons of money and treat you like a toy? In other words, go for those who dream big and have goals, go for the good men no matter how bad his financial status is because in the end what is more valuable is the way he will treat you. "Every woman deserves a man who loves and respects her and every man deserves a woman who appreciate his efforts". Hope you take this in mind. I really liked what u said Even if u try u can't decide who u are going to love or not and if u force yourself is never going to work 1 Wisedevil22 reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
itzel 336 Posted January 10, 2013 I never really had a "girlfriend" I always had "lady-friends with benefits" lol My mom always said that in order to have a girlfriend I would need a job a car and time! Which I don't have! :/ lol So until that day! Just "lady-friends with benefits" lol I tried doing that with my current bf, but it back fired on me. He left because he didnt want to be a fling. I learned during that separation how much I'd learned to care about him. He came back and we've been together about 4 years. Things just fall into place when theyre meant to. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Santi 353 Posted January 10, 2013 You still young little lady but let me tell you this, If you date someone for their financial status then tell what it is that you feel for that individual ? is it love? I doubt it! However, you should not let anyone not even your parents to control your heart or your emotions. Yes you will not be with someone who doesn't have a life, but what happen if that individual is trying to be someone in life, trying to fulfill his dreams, working hard and putting passion in what his doing because one day he will reach his dreams. Question: Will you be with someone like this? or Will you be with someone who has tons of money and treat you like a toy? In other words, go for those who dream big and have goals, go for the good men no matter how bad his financial status is because in the end what is more valuable is the way he will treat you. "Every woman deserves a man who loves and respects her and every man deserves a woman who appreciate his efforts". Hope you take this in mind. Enough said 1 Wisedevil22 reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Afrosana 17 Posted January 11, 2013 I completely understand why parents want their kids to choose someone that isn't stuck in their same situation... it makes sense. BUT, in my opinion, being undocumented doesn't mean he CHOSE to be it. Part of being a dreamer is that we were brought here when we were little. I know for a fact that any immigrant that has been able to sustain himself and help his family even when he doesnt have not even a fifth of the opportunities that citizens have, they are going to FLY and be the hardest working and the most dedicated when they do have the opportunity. But what I really think about is this... What if I met the guy of my dreams and it turns out that he used to be an illegal immigrant and as much as we like each other, he won't give me the chance because i'm illegal and his parents always told him to stay away. That wouldn't be fair, and it would suck! I reeeeeeally wish if I DO get married it's with a citizen so that I may become a citizen as well, but I won't deny myself the opportunity of falling in love with someone that knows me and loves me and understands our reality only because we're stuck in the same hole. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JayhOR24 58 Posted January 11, 2013 I tried doing that with my current bf, but it back fired on me. He left because he didnt want to be a fling. I learned during that separation how much I'd learned to care about him. He came back and we've been together about 4 years. Things just fall into place when theyre meant to. Awwwweee.... <3! Lol it was ment to be! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JayhOR24 58 Posted January 11, 2013 Honestly, One doesn't choose who he is attracted to. You shouldn't be denying yourself out of a relationship because your partner is Illegal. Nor should you date one out of anger towards your parents or even date a legal citizen to "make them proud". Out of the few relationships I've had none were with illegals but not because I chose, but because the connection was there. If being legal is more important than finding the "one" for the rest of your life... Very true! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
EnJR 39 Posted January 11, 2013 Okay, so as I was reading this I kept shaking my head... I think regardless of financial situation, legal status, or any other factor shouldn't be any problem when it comes to love. If you love someone, it's for who they are and NOT for what they have, now, it varies whether you see the potential on someone to become a better self when it comes to ambitions and goals. For those who say to not be with someone who's in your same legal situation, you're being a little rude, just because you're judging someone for their legal status, then, very easy for the resident or citizen to say they are not going to date you because you're an illegal. Parents always want the best for their children, but they often focus too much on "the best" so they end up putting unnecessary pressure on their child making them (sometimes) do what they don't really want to do. It's your life, you decide what to do with it, you're the only one dealing with it and will always do. People come and go, even family, you'll eventually make your own, so try and make a family with the someone you love for who he/she is, not for what they have and can offer you. 1 jcarlos08 reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
amor 112 Posted January 15, 2013 At the risk of oozing cliché, true love is priceless. I won't lie, it would suck for both of us to be in the same situation, but to discriminate against someone else for their status is to discriminate against ourselves. It would be saying that our American citizen partners should have walked away from us because we're hopeless. Parents always want the best for us, even if its not fair or kind. 1 Afrosana reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Afrosana 17 Posted January 16, 2013 At the risk of oozing cliché, true love is priceless. I won't lie, it would suck for both of us to be in the same situation, but to discriminate against someone else for their status is to discriminate against ourselves. It would be saying that our American citizen partners should have walked away from us because we're hopeless. Parents always want the best for us, even if its not fair or kind. Best to-the-point straightforward answer on this whole post. Completely agree with you! 1 amor reacted to this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
